did i really say that?

while driving in the van the other day,  the children and i were discussing the seasons. right then and there, with nary a thought to the horror of what was about to come out of my mouth, i said “i hate spring” ouch. what farm wife in her right mind could utter such profanities? i immediately started justifying my strong statement, certainly more to myself than to my audience (the kids think it quite amusing when i get extreme).

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“it isn’t true really” i claimed,  i love the hope of the growing season to come, i can’t resist the daily delight as we enter lambing season in full swing, i adore the feel of the first sun kissed skin, i delight in the brightness of the spring green, i am thankful for the deep soul satisfying emergence from winter’s chill. so why oh why have i felt so unsettled these past days, just when the joyous season of new beginnings is on my doorstep?

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i concluded i have difficulty switching gears.  the starts and stops of the emerging spring can challenge me. it can feel like a series of dashed hopes. here in kentucky, the shift from winter to spring can be a volatile one. the storms of transition can be fierce.  last week after a glorious series of sun filled days in the 60’s, a hearty wind blew the twenties back in again. harsh.

then there are the specifics of our farm. our fields nestle close to the flat rock creek that meanders her way through our acreage. the chill and moisture in any season fall to the creek. during the summer months this is undoubtedly a blessing: our fields thrive. we can sustain drought on our bottom land. in spring however, when the earth is soaked from months of rain and snow, our land is wet, so wet, unworkable wet.

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so i start to feel unsettled, the calendar tells me it is time to get started, my body aches to move, to hoe, to shovel, but i can’t necessarily do all that. rain pours. puddles grow. each spring so many factors well out of my control dictate what really happens.

this winter was long and this spring is coming late, it is up to me to be patient and listen to the earth and sky.  these are the voices that i must hear right now. today it rains, the temperature slowly drops and perhaps this rain will turn to sleet or snow as night falls. i choose today to feel content  by the warmth of the wood stove, to try and finish that hat for madeline before really i have no time, to sew a summer tunic (or start one anyway), and to be happy with all that is. the tunnels and greenhouses fill excitedly and indeed there is a lot of promise in the air.

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spring isn’t always yellow and bright. no shift is without it’s difficulty, not even this one! spring is a time of transition and can be enchanting or painful depending on so many factors. i wish for you all a lovely entry into the season of longer days and fresh foods. i also offer a big hug to anyone needing one if it is a dull, wet, cloudy day and you can’t quite do what you think you should be doing.  this too is a part of the season.

thanks friends for allowing me to ponder with you, maybe i don’t hate spring after all….

7 thoughts on “did i really say that?

  1. the cruelty of spring feels particularly acute for me this year as well. one single warmish day turned my blood thin again. since then i’ve felt colder than I have most of the winter. and the mud. good grief. I’m either pulling my shoes out of it or slipping on it when it’s frozen. but, as you said, the transitions are painful and that’s beautiful too

  2. I was just talking about my feelings about Spring yesterday with my husband. I don’t really like it and I think it is because people try to rush it; making the season be about something that it really isn’t. March and early April here in central Pennsylvania is not warm. It is not green, it is not sandal weather. All weekend it was below freezing and woodstove was cranking full force. The amount of daylight might be longer and stronger, the birds might be tweeting, but it isn’t the Spring that people want it to be. Just relax and accept it for the gradual change that it is. People want it to be Spring NOW. Just like with other things in their lives, people need to learn to slow down.

  3. While visiting with a friend about this very same feeling about spring, we came to the conclusion that it seems so overwhelming. Everywhere we look there is something that needs attention. Look, another, then another…….. whirling around not knowing where to start.

  4. Pingback: in it | radical farmwives

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